THE USE-BY-DATE

 

I’m getting close to my Use-By-Date…seventy-nine on my last birthday. And no need to be a math wiz, you know what comes next. Holy crap!

I reconnected with a dear friend from my youth on Facebook, and asked John if I looked that old. He said, “Yes.” Sometimes what I like about him is his honesty. Sometimes. 

Okay. So, I look my age. So What? I’m just gonna keep wearing a mask when I go out. Covid’s still around. Also, I like the no makeup part of mask wearing.

Jievani Weerasinghe on Unsplash

Tragically, I’m also acting my age. I talk (out loud) to TV commercials. I mock them. Occasionally they deserve a yelling at. Also, I think I’m very good at an English accent when I help the woman with the voice over on the Viking Tours commercials.

Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

My memory is getting a tad slippery. I went to lunch with my daughter Sue, and I told her if I could go to a live concert from the past, I’d want to see Queen. The lead singer, umm, what’s his name. She suggested Adam Lambert. No, I said, the original lead who died. She said, Freddy Mercury. Right! Freddy. I watched the movie about him three times during the pandemic lock down. To be in that massive crowd at the Live Aid Concert, waving your arms, singing along, now that would be amazing.

 

Okay, so I’m going to remember his name. Freddy Mercury. When I can’t remember something—think “Freddy Mercury.”

 

Mostly I attempt to hide my memory lapses. Yesterday, I asked John what he was going to do for the day? I answered for him: walk the mall, get a coffee and look at cat videos on_________ on his iPad. I wanted to use the word for the App with videos, but I couldn’t remember Instagram until I checked my own iPad. The technique is called, “Filling in the Blanks,” so no one catches you forgetting. Replacing a word you can't remember, quickly with another word (whether it fits or not). It's a skill.

 

Photo by Vishnu Mohanan on Unsplash

I once mentioned to my son, Jim, that sometimes I forget a word. He suggested I take Prevagen. “Okay, sorry, Jim. You get the tirade that I give the TV commercials. Google it, Prevagen DOES NOT WORK.”

 

Some of the people on those commercials say they’ve been taking Prevagen for ten years, at $40-$90 a month, do the math: $4800-$10,800 for a product that doesn’t work. It’s apoaequorin (jellyfish protein) and vitamin D. 

 

Quincy Bioscience is making a fortune. Ads cost big bucks; I know that because I was in advertising for most of my career. And how often do you see their ads? Inundate us, why don’t you?  The actors in the ads seem so genuine. I yell at them. I know some really bad words and use them. You don’t forget fuck.

 

So what can you do for memory? The Mediterranean diet is supposed to be good. But I really like ice cream, it’s not mentioned on the food list. And cheese. 

 

I have a good brain food recipe for you.

Photo by Brian McGowan on Unsplash

BRAIN SALAD

Ingredients

No quantities are given, feel free to do as you like.

Kale: Tear into bite size pieces, soak in water, drain, put in a salad spinner, spin, add a nice dressing (I like Brianna’s Lemon Tarrigon) massage the kale with the dressing. Using your bare hands also adds a nice moisturizing effect to your skin as you soften the kale.

Quinoa: Toss some quinoa into the slippery kale. It’ll stick.

Blueberries: Add some Super BLUE brain food

Walnuts: Then go nuts with another super brain food...even better toasted in a dry frying pan.

 

Eat this, it’s good for your brain. Then eat ice cream, it’s good for your, um, what’s the word?

 

Also, __________um, there was something else I wanted to mention. Um. Ahh, wait a minute. Let me think a sec. Um…

 

Oh yeah! Freddy Mercury!!!

https://youtu.be/TkFHYODzRTs

 

PS: John just read this over. He said, “It’s good except for the kale recipe.” His main problem with kale is that it’s green.

 

PPS: If you leave a comment, PLEASE include a hint of who you are, so if Google lists you as Anonymous, I’ll be able to guess your name.